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01 April 2009 @ 08:41 pm
I want to note that this is the email I sent to my friends right after the memorial. I feel like posting the email because it explains how I felt about "TV's" death and about the memorial. It is written in a Christian's perspective. I hope you guys understand this. It has been edited a little, but only details and names.
I have decided to give "TV's" real name in this. I don't know if I should or not, so I might edit it later, but I feel like I at least owe him his name. I made up his last name though for protection propouses.

You all know, I started 7th grade at an amazing school. I have met so many amazing people, including great teachers and friendly classmates. But a tragedy has accured.

Saturday mid-morning, I logged onto facebook.com out of complete boredom. Now, if you don't have a facebook (sure most of you do, since it's the "hottest" thing right now, next to Twilight), there's this thing were you can write a "status" on how you're feeling. Well, one of my friends - a high schooler and older brother to a classmate and friend of mine - had a status that read this:
"Just found out Matt Jones died."
Someone had commetted, saying, "Yeah, I just found out an hour ago."

My first thought was denial. What? A classmate of mine, a friend of mine, someone who made me laugh and had fun with is dead?
I thought it could have been a cruel joke. But no more than 5 minutes later, my dad walked into the house (he and my mother were over at the church, doing work). He told me he wanted me to come over to the church, and the thing I saw on facebook raced through my mind while I walked over there.

And it was there that they told me. Mathew "Matt" Evan Jones had died in a dirt bike accident. (I learned today the full story) I cried with my parents.

Facebook became a place of grieving. All my classmates who had a facebook were commenting for everyone, someone even made him a little "Prayer" group.

This morning, I went to school. We were going to have a memorial service for him. I walked into the halls and everyone was crying and hugging each other. We spent more than 20 minutes in the halls, just crying and holding everyone. Us 7th graders were so emotional.

We went into the "cafetorium" (half cafiteria, half autotorium XD) and sat. I sat beside my friend Miranda and her mother. I looked up at the screen and saw Matt's smiling face and began to bawl. I remember laughing, saying, "It hasn't even started and I'm already crying!"

I had finally managed to control my tears, when I looked over to see Matt's mother, Mrs. Jones, cry, "That's my baby!" When she saw Matt's face on the scrteen. People came around and hugged her. I began to cry again.

It started with our school director, Mr. John Z., first talked to us about the steps of grieving. I was shocked at how dead on he was for me alone. After he finished, people came up to the stage and talked about Matt. Mrs. Osborn, the 6th grade teacher, shared how he had excepted Christ last year, and many others shared how he had changed their lives. There were even people who didn't know Matt all too well who came up and said even walking by his locker, seeing him smile, had cheered them all up.

When people had finished sharing about Matt, we watched a video of all his pictures. They were from his first picture being born to his 12th birthday (next Sunday he would have been 13). I was in tears. I thought I wasn't able to cry any more, and yet I bawled too hard. I'm pretty sure everyone did.

Someone played Amazing Grace on bagpipes, and then we closed in prayer. It was so sad, and yet, in a way, it was good. They gave us a few minutes to use the restroom, get drinks, or stretch if we wanted. But basically, we all just hugged everyone. I hugged people I never thought I would hug and I cried with so many people. And yet, 10 minutes after that, we were all laughing. It sounds bad, but yet, I found it happy. Matt was a kind of guy where he made you laugh. You wanted to laugh for him.

We then went to our English/Bible teacher's room, us 7th graders, and for an hour and a half we just shared happy memories about Matt. it was a lot of fun. And some how we got on with the rest of our day.

Some people had put on wraping paper on his locker, and kept his things inside. We could write things on the wraping paper. It was so amazing.

So why am I telling you this? Because...I don't really know why. This was a hard time, for all of us. Matt's parents. Matt's family. Matt's class. Matt's friends. Everyone who ever knew Matt!

We need prayer right now. I know it was hard on me. I had never lost anyone like this before - I really hadn't ever lost anyone ever! (Only my great grandmother, which made sense, and my uncle I never even met). And it's hard on me. I just ask for prayer, not just for me, but for Matt's family and other classmates and our school.

You guys didn't even know Matt. But you know me. So please. Just lift your hands out in prayer. it's going to be a hard week.

Your Sister in Christ,
Justine A.

This is a poem written by a classmate of mine. I don't know if he wants me to give his name, but I did ask if I could post this and he agreed. It is again a Christian perspective, but this has given me hope.

Sometimes it's hard to know what is going to lie ahead
The only thing to do is simply kneel beside your bed
The answers that we need to know are not known to men
But the thing we need to know is that we will see him again
The Lord is my only comfort, my rock and shield
He is the only way our pain may be heeled
In these times we want to hide and in our own world, to cry
But at this time I must do something, and that is say goodbye
As I read my Bible and pray over and over again
I cannot help but think that we will see him again
I know many times I will think of him and I will miss him great
I also know that the Lord has a purpose, it isn't simply fate
I'm glad to know that just last year the Lord came into his heart
And now in heaven he is enjoying at life, a brand new start
So once you've prayed and said amen

These are also the steps to become a Christian written by him as well:

If you do not know if you will spent eternity in heaven please consider these steps

1.Admit that you are a sinner
Romans 3:23
2.Know that Jesus died for your sins
John 3:16
3.Repent of your sins
Luke 13:3
4.Ask God to save you
Romans 10:13
5.Confess before men and be baptized
Romans 10:9-10

If you have not accepted Christ will you accept Him now?
I'm going to the funeral tomorrow. I'm really nervous, since I've never been to one before, but I feel right about this. I'll probably cry. A lot. (:
Current Mood: tiredtired
"We have something to tell you," My father says, sitting down on the church's platform's steps.
"TV's dead, huh?" I say softly, for fear my voice would crack. It did.
He nodded. "How did you know?"
"I saw it on facebook." I tell him. I couldn't wait any longer, and I buried my face in my knees and cried.

You've read right. "TV" is dead. I'm not kidding you. He's gone.

I am a Christian and so was TV. We believe that if you committed yourself to Jesus Christ, and follow his ways, when you die, you go to Heaven. So I have the comfort that he is in heaven with his Savior. But still...

I've only known of two people who have died before this. My great grandmother - I was close to her when I was younger. I called her "Nana nana". But when she died, it was more of a "Okay, she was nearly 90. She had to die. It's the way of life."
And then my uncle, who I wasn't even born when he died.

Now, TV. Gosh, I feel so horrible!

He died early this morning, apparently. He was in a dirt bike crash. He died instantly (which can be seen as a good thing; he didn't suffer). Our school is going to hold a Memorial Service for him.

Gosh, I really hope I don't cry. But I probably will.

It just feels like a dream. I keep trying to get distracted, so I can forget. When I do, it doesn't last long, for something will make me think, TV's...dead.

How am I going to sleep tonight?

Please, just keep TV's family in thoughts and prayers, along with my whole 7th grade class and everyone who knew him.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
20 March 2009 @ 02:25 pm
"You like him," Tyler's Van "TV" said, nodding his head towards Jasper.
"You do?" Jasper blinked at me.
I stayed quiet. I had no idea what to do. I could bet now that my cheeks turned a shade of pink.
Later, TV called to a boy we will call "Eddie" in this scernio. TV said to Eddie, "Hey, you know you Justine likes?"
Eddie sort of just blinked.
TV pointed to Jasper behind us.
Eddie blinked again.
I was so embarrassed.

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I was going to a few days ago, but I got really lazy and they were little things. And then nothing else happened, so...yeah...

Anyway. We were in gym class when that scene happened. Gosh, I was so annoyed by TV! I mean, we hang out sometimes, but not really. He did this to me the beginning of the year, too.

I was shocked with Jasper's reaction. He had the most confused look on his face when he asked, "You do?"
I thought he knew! I thought everyone knew! I guess people just...forget? Must be. Boys, it seems, want to find out who you like. But when you tell them, they forget!
(I have a whole list of boys who are like that)

When I sat down after that who "incident", waiting for our gym teacher to begin instructing us, He tapped my back and said something I didn't hear very clearly (people were being loud XD). But I did catch the middle part. It was like, "Iwoulddosomethingsomething...if what he said was true, but since it's not...somethingsomethingsomething."
From what I hear clearly, I was like, What?! He thinks TV doesn't get it!

Part of me was glad for that, of course. But he hung out with Rosalie for the rest of the day (A/N: If you hadn't noticed, I have only 3 people whose name's really stick: Jasper's, Rosalie's and TV's. Everyone else, I'm sorta picking at random for awhile. I'm considering giving the Twilight fangirl the name Bella for this, but I doubt she will hardly ever come up.)

We had a half day today. All our classes before lunch. Woot.
But after our history test, we got to go outside. That was fun. (: Played random things.


So far, it was a good day. ^.^ (Except that one thing...yeah...)
Current Mood: contentcontent
16 March 2009 @ 06:16 pm
"You just like Jasper," A boy we will call "Tyler's Van" (TV for short XD) said.
I simply rolled my eyes; I got this a lot.
But TV seemed to be very surprised. His jaw dropped and he ooh'd. I rolled my eyes again, avoiding Jasper's eye contact.
"So the rumors are true." He coos, walking off.

*headpalms* Uhh, guys, I'm in 7th grade, right? Oh, sorry. Sometimes I forget. We have so much freaking drama sometimes I think we're juniors! [/sarcasm]

So I like him, big freaking deal. We're just friends. That's all I wanna be. I don't know about him, but whatever.

We've been hanging out a lot lately, it even surprises me. This morning before the bell rang for 8:05 (school begins and 8:15), we spun around for a minute. [Lol! The kids were yelling things like "Are you kindergartners?!" "Do the tango!" "Are you gonna throw up? Throw up on each other!"] And we got to go outside during lunch (Gosh! It's so beautiful today!).

We swung (swang? Have swung? Have swang? Dang it.) for awhile and that's when "TV" decided to be a freak. (NO OFFENSE TV. I think you're a really cool guy, I'm just ticked at you right now. :) I should be fine by tomorrow - you know me)

He was the one who got me to squeal about liking him in the beginning of the year (Sorta. I've never been good at that. He goes, "You just like Jasper," There was a long pause and I could feel a blush. I finally mustered, "Shut up, TV!" but...yeah...) and then he forgets?! DUDE. WTC.

After he walked away, I sorta made fun of him at football. I was kidding, giving little smirks and giggles. And evil comments about how he can't catch. >D

Then, to my shock, Jasper starts making fun of him. Now, I know. It was mean - but I knew he was kidding. Or, at least, I think he was kidding. I was sort of figuring he felt like me when I was kidding: embarrassed.

He was meaner (more mean?) than mine was, but i simply said, "That's mean!" And pretended to move on.

So yes. We're in flipping middle school but yet we're concerned with dating? No. Just no.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
14 March 2009 @ 06:20 pm
"dos jasper like u?" I read on my screen. Tyler had just written that in a facebook chat. I blinked behind my computer screen.
"How am I supposed to know?" I type on my keyboard and send. I was majorly confused.
Eventually, he told me that it would be weird if Jasper liked me. I asked him why (because I secretly wondered if he was one who didn't know I liked him) and he said it would be odd if Jasper suddenly changed to liking me instead of liking Rosalie, since he has liked her since 4th grade.
Eventually, we decided that it "must be a rumor."

I don't remember the conversation word for word (and facebook deleted some of it), but that's the whole idea. I don't usually talk to "Tyler", but the convo started with him asking me what I did on facebook. I answered and asked him. He answered. Then suddenly, out of the blue, he asks me that. I was thinking How am I supposed to know? In the end, he decided that it must be a rumor. I agreed. I was pretty sure it was.

Lately, Jasper and I have been hanging out a lot during lunch. I don't know how it started, but in a religious view, I'd say it happened when I gave up the crush feeling to the Lord. I decided I wasn't going to let having a crush make or break me and that what ever happened, happened. After that, we've been close friends.

I've valued his friendship. A lot. In fact, I'd much rather STAY friends with him and ignore my feelings.

Anyway, we had apparently been idiots together, playing a game we don't have a name for. You spin around (The number of seconds goes up each day; Monday we'll be a whole minute!) and then run down a line (or randomly run). But lately, the gym has been closed during lunch - where the line is. And one day, we had played in the Cafeteria and was banned from playing that game by the lunch lady.

And that afternoon, we went outside. It was cold out, yes, but I love going outside at school. Jasper, myself and a girl we will call "Nessie" for this scenerio alone, were outside, bored. Finally, Jasper shouted, "Justine! Swings!" And grabbed my arm and started tugging me towards the swings.

A boy we will call "Jacob" in this scenerio alone, called out, "Jasper, did you dump Rosalie for Justine, or something?!"

I simply rolled my eyes; this type of things happenes. A lot. Even sometimes I endorse it (Jasper and Rosalie ARE cute together, no lie.)But instead of getting angry, like I thought he would, Jasper simply says, "No. Justine is crazy and doesn't care what other people think about her."

I was pretty shocked, but didn't let it show. In the beginning of the year, I thought that was a reason he didn't like me! And, that was actually sort of true. Of course, I do care what people think about when I'm all alone sitting in my emo corner, but when I'm with a friend...I couldn't care less.

I spoke up with a remake like, "So I'm awesome?"

"No," Jasper say, "More like annoying..."

"Okay, how about I'm annoyingly crazy awesome?"

"All right," He agrees.

And then some weird conversation about The Adventures in Oddysey and germ football (don't ask).

So here I am now, typing up this journal entry, wondering why 7th grade is so freaking hard.
Current Mood: draineddrained
13 March 2009 @ 10:12 pm
After spending a LONG TIME deleteing all my old entries, I decided to take a new approch to this journal. Instead of random "LOL OMG I HAZ DA BESTEST DAI EVA!!/11one"

I want to make it..better. I'm going to write my journals structed better (hopefully), and do it only when I have something good to say (and then the random ones will be friends only).

Another thing is this: I want to make it less personal. So I will instead not use anyone's real names. I will give them - this is so creative, isn't it? - Twilight character names!

I will probably run out of characters real quick - being an anti who has only been able to research it (not allowed to read it, but believe me, I know what it's about!). So, I'll probably resort to "Jacob I" "Jacob II" and so on if I have to. And if I get even MORE people, I'll just randomly give them names from anything.

It'll probably be like "And so my friend, which we will call James, began to hop on one foot while eating peanut butter." It'll be a bit difficault, but it sounds like fun.

As for myself? Well, I will use my real name, Justine. As for last names, I might use my middle name, Alexandre, or use the inital of it. Maybe use my fake last name, Bates, a few times as well.

Get ready for, well, my life.
Current Mood: sleepysleepy